I don't know where else to post this.
Yesterday afternoon, I was in the bathroom getting ready and talking to my daughter. In storms my husband, brandishing a pair of black, clearly male underpants.
"Whose are these?" He demands.
I am confused. The three of us live here. No one has stayed with us recently that would wear those. Well, that I assume. Plus the last person was a woman and I witnessed her underpants on the washing line, I know her brand.
I recognise them as an old pair he used to wear years ago, when he was slimmer.
"Are they not yours?" I ask.
He reiterates that they are not.
I do all the washing in this house. While it feels like the washing I do is equivalent to clothing a small army, I am certainly not going out of my way to ADD to my unceasing workload. I have been working my way through old bags and things and washing what seemed salvageable, removing what isn't.
So I explained that as above, I have only been washing things in our house, and that I had been clearing the ruins out and that I am 99.9% sure that these were one of the first jocks of this kind that he started buying.
He gestures to the (I don't know... sub brand? Sub label?) of whatever they are and states that he doesn't buy that kind. He says it like I know what this means. I understand that yeah, he hasn't brought that style FOR A WHILE but apart from that name, I don't really see any difference in these pants and his current preference.
Oh it's obvious to him, why isn't it obvious to me? Hmm, must be in the same vein where I asked him to bring me spare period panties and my comfy bras for an extended hospital stay and he managed to dredge up what could be the most uncomfortable bra I've ever owned and haven't worn for years because it doesn't fit post pregnancy, and underwear that was not intended for any kind of flow or even a light breeze. Never mind that he had to move aside the things I'd asked for to dig into the depths of my - pun intended - drawers to find these awful garments.
He's left the room and I start to realise the implications of what he's getting at. Is he insinuating that not only does he think I'm cheating, but that I'm running a laundry service for another man? You know, with all the free time that a Cinderella lifestyle affords me?
This particularly offends me as I've spent all weekend scrubbing out our laundry, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, cleaning the lounge, cooking, generally managing bills and affairs (no, not that kind) while also caring for our child.
I had the nerve to go to a child's birthday party for like 2 hours and when I told him about our day - because he actually asked for a change - his miserable response was "*I* don't get to do fun things, *I* have to work."
He said he wasn't working this weekend until he recently changed his mind. He then went on to spend several hours out with friends at the footy. But go off, I guess. It was nice seeing friends but it was also a morning filled with big emotions from little people so it's not like it was a fun filled, easy going or relaxing kind of party. It was just like any other day for a main care giver, something the other parent rarely sees, and understands less.
I follow him and find out that he's thrown the offensive clothing on the kitchen counter. No, not JUST the counter that I'd been cleaning.. he made sure to put them on the drying mat that clean dishes go on.
This makes me feel that either he didn't care where he threw them, or that he had started to realise that he was wrong and that obviously these were his own stupid butt coverings. Otherwise, why on Earth would you put private garments that you didn't believe were yours on a food preparation area?
I told him plain and simple that these were his old pants and asked him what they were doing on the funking counter top. He kinda shrugs and says "I don't know.." but he does move them to the bin. Which was literally beside the counter.
If I was reading this from anyone else or if it was a Reddit post, I would be like guuurl why are you with this bloke? Yeah, there are definite cracks in this relationship. He's had health issues, I've tried so hard to be accommodating. But then.. this year I've had health issues. I've had Covid, surgery, an accident and some unseen things that I'm trying to deal with.. and I'm seeing that he's not stepping up.
I'm happy to let him wander off and do his hobbies while I get stink eye if I dare to go anywhere or do my own things.
I aggressively take care of the house but rarely get to tackle it all because I'm quagmired in the cook-clean-wash cycle because no one else will do it. He doesn't do the bare minimum that I ask of him, and then complains that the house isn't up to his standard.
It does feel like more of a crappy room mate situation and not a marriage.
I am starting to push back on this crap now, don't worry about that.
I just needed to vent about this because...well really, what the hell but also his memory has never been that good but this was.. this was something else. I am starting to get concerned about his brain status and mental health.
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