Oh hey, look, a post that's not about dreams! That's... refreshing.
Over the last few weeks I've made some realisations.
I need to change.
I'm not talking about new years resolutions or nothin'... I mean me. I could do and should do, better.
With things like money, stress, my questionable fashion sense, being a shrinking violet, my relationships and house-related cleanliness.
My husband and I made a big effort on the house - cleaning it up and selling things we don't need, putting things away and acting on things that needed attention... and it's so much calmer.
To be honest, I'm a hoarder and it's harder for me to get rid of my things but I'm trying.
We also decided to make a huge effort on eating healthy. No take-outs, no junk food, more water...
and it's been easy to stick to.
Me personally... I want to work on my body.
When I was younger I used to have amazing biceps. Now I look at myself and think, what the hell did you do? What's wrong with you?
That doesn't help, just like thinking back and wishing I was as fat as I was when I was 18, stick thin and just thought I was fat. I'm not morbidly obese, but I could stand to lose a few kilos. I want to be able to wear crop tops again even though they're probably not in fashion anymore, just to say look at my friggin' stomach, I don't care if you don't like it, I do!
I want to get my punching arms back! I... regrettably need to decrease my delicious bust a cup or two. I wanna slim down and tone my legs so I can go back to wearing proper thigh highs and pirate socks.
I want to be more like myself, but with a dash of my younger wildness.
Not too much because frankly I was a reckless psychopath. But some, because everything in it's right amount.
One of hubby's old school friends - one I also knew back in the day stayed here for a few nights recently. I didn't think we parted on the best terms so I was a little anxious about it because I wasn't sure how it'd go, especially being a few years between visits.
This is just what I was talking about with the anxiety..I needn't have worried. First thing I get is a big ol' hug and him saying how good it is to see me. He's nothing but compliments for the house and the tiger decor, conversation is easy and we all have a great time. What was I worried about?
I don't think it was him being here as such.. more the time he reminded me about my life.. shitty high school days and all that. It was kinda like a stark relief.. he's got goals now and is on the right track and even though he still smokes he looks healthier than ever. He's travelled places I will likely never go in my lifetime and .... yeah. I'm jealous.
The last few weeks I haven't felt too bad about my body but damn, I doubled down hard on myself and even I wouldn't recognise me in pictures from years ago. I don't want to be that distanced from myself.
I think this contrast was the final kick I needed. Well, that and the stupid bikini girl calendar that somehow snuck into the garage. You know her stank ass is coming right on down, dun'ya?
So yeah, we'll see how this goes - makin' some real effort this time round. I'm sick of the obsessive and inappropriate thoughts running through my mind and hey, maybe I can't fix that but I'm gonna do my best.
Over the last few weeks I've made some realisations.
I need to change.
I'm not talking about new years resolutions or nothin'... I mean me. I could do and should do, better.
With things like money, stress, my questionable fashion sense, being a shrinking violet, my relationships and house-related cleanliness.
My husband and I made a big effort on the house - cleaning it up and selling things we don't need, putting things away and acting on things that needed attention... and it's so much calmer.
To be honest, I'm a hoarder and it's harder for me to get rid of my things but I'm trying.
We also decided to make a huge effort on eating healthy. No take-outs, no junk food, more water...and it's been easy to stick to.
Me personally... I want to work on my body.
When I was younger I used to have amazing biceps. Now I look at myself and think, what the hell did you do? What's wrong with you?
That doesn't help, just like thinking back and wishing I was as fat as I was when I was 18, stick thin and just thought I was fat. I'm not morbidly obese, but I could stand to lose a few kilos. I want to be able to wear crop tops again even though they're probably not in fashion anymore, just to say look at my friggin' stomach, I don't care if you don't like it, I do!
I want to get my punching arms back! I... regrettably need to decrease my delicious bust a cup or two. I wanna slim down and tone my legs so I can go back to wearing proper thigh highs and pirate socks.
I want to be more like myself, but with a dash of my younger wildness.
Not too much because frankly I was a reckless psychopath. But some, because everything in it's right amount.
One of hubby's old school friends - one I also knew back in the day stayed here for a few nights recently. I didn't think we parted on the best terms so I was a little anxious about it because I wasn't sure how it'd go, especially being a few years between visits.
This is just what I was talking about with the anxiety..I needn't have worried. First thing I get is a big ol' hug and him saying how good it is to see me. He's nothing but compliments for the house and the tiger decor, conversation is easy and we all have a great time. What was I worried about?
I don't think it was him being here as such.. more the time he reminded me about my life.. shitty high school days and all that. It was kinda like a stark relief.. he's got goals now and is on the right track and even though he still smokes he looks healthier than ever. He's travelled places I will likely never go in my lifetime and .... yeah. I'm jealous.
The last few weeks I haven't felt too bad about my body but damn, I doubled down hard on myself and even I wouldn't recognise me in pictures from years ago. I don't want to be that distanced from myself.
I think this contrast was the final kick I needed. Well, that and the stupid bikini girl calendar that somehow snuck into the garage. You know her stank ass is coming right on down, dun'ya?
So yeah, we'll see how this goes - makin' some real effort this time round. I'm sick of the obsessive and inappropriate thoughts running through my mind and hey, maybe I can't fix that but I'm gonna do my best.
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