Maybe it's inside the bottle....

There is just something about being with a completely drunk person that makes me feel so alone.

I don't drink. When I do, it's on an occasion and I normally have something tame or maybe one cocktail. When I have been drunk, I never felt like it was fun. I never seemed to enjoy the free sensation that others do. I became violent or depressed, and bad things happened.

I don't really care, I was never one for the taste of alcohol and I certainly have other things that need money spent on them.

The annoying part, or maybe depressing part about not drinking is that you never really fit in at parties. People lump you with pedestrian tasks like watching out for drunks and ensuring no one dies on their own vomit, while they shun their own responsibilities. You laugh along with co-worker's jokes about getting wine and chocolate after a hard day. Aaand more often than not, the drunks ignore you except to comment on how drunk they are or ask why you aren't drinking.

Even if they do have a conversation with you, they talk over you, they're loud, and they change topics quicker than a hummingbird changing directions. Like it matters, they won't remember a thing they said. They probably won't even remember you were there, and they'll tell you all of their best jokes from the night again, like you didn't already hear it over the flecks of spittle and clouds of beer breath zooming your way.

It just makes me feel so invisible.. especially when it's someone I care about. 

Dreams of a feather... create questions together.

So last night I had the messed up most vividest dream I've had in a while.

I was at work (generic scream sound effect)

but I wasn't in my usual workplace. It was, in theory, I guess, but instead of my usual desk I had the lift up desk from my primary school and it was in the middle of a department store. There were salesmen walking the floor, between the racks of clothing that separated me from my co-workers, but they don't interact with me. I didn't even have a phone installed, or a computer. My supervisor is there, but keeps talking to me about non work related topics in a really chirpy, yet disembodied way.

Not really sure how they expected me to work but anyway, I log off early to go to lunch but realise later that I forgot my lunchbox and my ID tag to get back into the building. I also realise that my current workplace is actually in a previous work environment, which was a water park. Where I was was more behind the scenes though, so no slides for me. I don't seem to mind either way?

Sitting down on a bench, I look up at some chirping birds on a tree branch overhead and realise that one of them is an Indian Ringneck parrot. In case you aren't aware, they aren't native to Australia and they don't usually chill with pigeons or doves. So I realise that it must be someone's pet and lost, at that. I go to take a photo of it on my phone but the camera won't focus.

indianringneck.com

The bird falls out of the tree and I catch it. It's the same colour blue as a pair of one of my socks. The bird bites me, but doesn't make any real effort to get away from me. I realise it's wounded. The bird accepts a stroke on the back while I whisper soothing words to it. It looks like just the wing but as I hold it up to get a better look it starts vomiting blood.

Dream Smorgasboard

So lately I haven't had many dreams that I can recall. Perhaps in retaliation, I have since had many, weird and unusual dreams.

Some, like being dragged along by my ear can be explained by hair in my sleep looping around my ear and tugging on my earring.

Others like last night's, are a bit more involved.

Right, so I dreamt I was playing a game at a friend's home. We paused it and saved it, then I moved on to a new location. That new location - I quickly discovered - was the next freakin' level. It was set at a beach themed water park... I think.

I was sitting in a barstooled, water filled area..

Somewhat similar to this

Only there was a friggin' giant crocodile - true to video game form - swimming in a predetermined path on a predetermined schedule. No one else was bothered about this.  Of course, they were probably drinking. The first round where I saw it, it was massive, like my entire body would fit in it's jaws. The second time it came around and snapped at me, I was able to clamp it's jaws shut. With my bare hands, mind you. Of course, I have been working out. *Casually flexes*

The last time, it didn't come around on schedule. I was with the 'rescuee' from the last level and was just about to ascend to the stairs to get to the next level when I realised it should be behind us.. like RIGHT BEHIND us about now. I screamed at the rescuee to move - some young tan blonde child with obligatory teddy bear - actually come to think of it the teddy wasn't taking in any water... that's suspicious... - ANYWAY she bolts up the stairs which is half stairs half tree house looking ladder and so do I, narrowly missing the jaws of death.

This month's ridiculous news

I've just read some disturbing news articles.

The Metro 'Pensioner killed burglar' Georgia DiebeliusTuesday 10 Apr 2018 7:26 am

The Metro 'Man who trashed burglar's shrine' Joe RobertsSaturday 14 Apr 2018 8:57 pm

The Metro 'Stabbed burglar to have 100,000 pound funeral' Tanveer MannSaturday 14 Apr 2018 9:07 am

Daily Mail 'Hero pensioner fears never being able to go home' 

By SARAH WHITE and JAMES FIELDING FOR MAILONLINE
PUBLISHED: 23:59 AEST, 9 April 2018 | UPDATED: 05:15 AEST, 10 April 2018


You may have noticed that these are all British news headlines and they're all to do with the same thing. 

The gist of it is that one Henry Vincent (37y/o) broke into the home of Richard Osborn-Brooks (78y/o) and his wife with the intent of robbing them. He was armed with a screwdriver and had an accomplice. Osborn-Brooks wife had ailments and her husband was concerned for her well being. 

In the end, Vincent was killed by a single stab wound in self defence. 

Vincent's accomplice dragged him out to a van but then left him for dead. The van was later found burnt out, and Billy Jeeves (28 y/o)  - was nowhere to be found. 

Nothing hard to understand about that, is there?

What's hard to comprehend is that Mr and Mrs Osborn-Brooks may not be able to go back to their home as they have been threatened by the traveller community. 

New year, New me, Right here, Right meow!

Oh hey, look, a post that's not about dreams! That's... refreshing.

Over the last few weeks I've made some realisations.
I need to change.

I'm not talking about new years resolutions or nothin'... I mean me. I could do and should do, better.

With things like money, stress, my questionable fashion sense, being a shrinking violet, my relationships and house-related cleanliness.

My husband and I made a big effort on the house - cleaning it up and selling things we don't need, putting things away and acting on things that needed attention... and it's so much calmer.
To be honest, I'm a hoarder and it's harder for me to get rid of my things but I'm trying.

We also decided to make a huge effort on eating healthy. No take-outs, no junk food, more water...
and it's been easy to stick to.

Me personally... I want to work on my body.

When I was younger I used to have amazing biceps. Now I look at myself and think, what the hell did you do? What's wrong with you?

That doesn't help, just like thinking back and wishing I was as fat as I was when I was 18, stick thin and just thought I was fat. I'm not morbidly obese, but I could stand to lose a few kilos. I want to be able to wear crop tops again even though they're probably not in fashion anymore, just to say look at my friggin' stomach, I don't care if you don't like it, I do!