Maybe it's inside the bottle....

There is just something about being with a completely drunk person that makes me feel so alone.

I don't drink. When I do, it's on an occasion and I normally have something tame or maybe one cocktail. When I have been drunk, I never felt like it was fun. I never seemed to enjoy the free sensation that others do. I became violent or depressed, and bad things happened.

I don't really care, I was never one for the taste of alcohol and I certainly have other things that need money spent on them.

The annoying part, or maybe depressing part about not drinking is that you never really fit in at parties. People lump you with pedestrian tasks like watching out for drunks and ensuring no one dies on their own vomit, while they shun their own responsibilities. You laugh along with co-worker's jokes about getting wine and chocolate after a hard day. Aaand more often than not, the drunks ignore you except to comment on how drunk they are or ask why you aren't drinking.

Even if they do have a conversation with you, they talk over you, they're loud, and they change topics quicker than a hummingbird changing directions. Like it matters, they won't remember a thing they said. They probably won't even remember you were there, and they'll tell you all of their best jokes from the night again, like you didn't already hear it over the flecks of spittle and clouds of beer breath zooming your way.

It just makes me feel so invisible.. especially when it's someone I care about. 

Dreams of a feather... create questions together.

So last night I had the messed up most vividest dream I've had in a while.

I was at work (generic scream sound effect)

but I wasn't in my usual workplace. It was, in theory, I guess, but instead of my usual desk I had the lift up desk from my primary school and it was in the middle of a department store. There were salesmen walking the floor, between the racks of clothing that separated me from my co-workers, but they don't interact with me. I didn't even have a phone installed, or a computer. My supervisor is there, but keeps talking to me about non work related topics in a really chirpy, yet disembodied way.

Not really sure how they expected me to work but anyway, I log off early to go to lunch but realise later that I forgot my lunchbox and my ID tag to get back into the building. I also realise that my current workplace is actually in a previous work environment, which was a water park. Where I was was more behind the scenes though, so no slides for me. I don't seem to mind either way?

Sitting down on a bench, I look up at some chirping birds on a tree branch overhead and realise that one of them is an Indian Ringneck parrot. In case you aren't aware, they aren't native to Australia and they don't usually chill with pigeons or doves. So I realise that it must be someone's pet and lost, at that. I go to take a photo of it on my phone but the camera won't focus.

indianringneck.com

The bird falls out of the tree and I catch it. It's the same colour blue as a pair of one of my socks. The bird bites me, but doesn't make any real effort to get away from me. I realise it's wounded. The bird accepts a stroke on the back while I whisper soothing words to it. It looks like just the wing but as I hold it up to get a better look it starts vomiting blood.

Dream Smorgasboard

So lately I haven't had many dreams that I can recall. Perhaps in retaliation, I have since had many, weird and unusual dreams.

Some, like being dragged along by my ear can be explained by hair in my sleep looping around my ear and tugging on my earring.

Others like last night's, are a bit more involved.

Right, so I dreamt I was playing a game at a friend's home. We paused it and saved it, then I moved on to a new location. That new location - I quickly discovered - was the next freakin' level. It was set at a beach themed water park... I think.

I was sitting in a barstooled, water filled area..

Somewhat similar to this

Only there was a friggin' giant crocodile - true to video game form - swimming in a predetermined path on a predetermined schedule. No one else was bothered about this.  Of course, they were probably drinking. The first round where I saw it, it was massive, like my entire body would fit in it's jaws. The second time it came around and snapped at me, I was able to clamp it's jaws shut. With my bare hands, mind you. Of course, I have been working out. *Casually flexes*

The last time, it didn't come around on schedule. I was with the 'rescuee' from the last level and was just about to ascend to the stairs to get to the next level when I realised it should be behind us.. like RIGHT BEHIND us about now. I screamed at the rescuee to move - some young tan blonde child with obligatory teddy bear - actually come to think of it the teddy wasn't taking in any water... that's suspicious... - ANYWAY she bolts up the stairs which is half stairs half tree house looking ladder and so do I, narrowly missing the jaws of death.

This month's ridiculous news

I've just read some disturbing news articles.

The Metro 'Pensioner killed burglar' Georgia DiebeliusTuesday 10 Apr 2018 7:26 am

The Metro 'Man who trashed burglar's shrine' Joe RobertsSaturday 14 Apr 2018 8:57 pm

The Metro 'Stabbed burglar to have 100,000 pound funeral' Tanveer MannSaturday 14 Apr 2018 9:07 am

Daily Mail 'Hero pensioner fears never being able to go home' 

By SARAH WHITE and JAMES FIELDING FOR MAILONLINE
PUBLISHED: 23:59 AEST, 9 April 2018 | UPDATED: 05:15 AEST, 10 April 2018


You may have noticed that these are all British news headlines and they're all to do with the same thing. 

The gist of it is that one Henry Vincent (37y/o) broke into the home of Richard Osborn-Brooks (78y/o) and his wife with the intent of robbing them. He was armed with a screwdriver and had an accomplice. Osborn-Brooks wife had ailments and her husband was concerned for her well being. 

In the end, Vincent was killed by a single stab wound in self defence. 

Vincent's accomplice dragged him out to a van but then left him for dead. The van was later found burnt out, and Billy Jeeves (28 y/o)  - was nowhere to be found. 

Nothing hard to understand about that, is there?

What's hard to comprehend is that Mr and Mrs Osborn-Brooks may not be able to go back to their home as they have been threatened by the traveller community. 

New year, New me, Right here, Right meow!

Oh hey, look, a post that's not about dreams! That's... refreshing.

Over the last few weeks I've made some realisations.
I need to change.

I'm not talking about new years resolutions or nothin'... I mean me. I could do and should do, better.

With things like money, stress, my questionable fashion sense, being a shrinking violet, my relationships and house-related cleanliness.

My husband and I made a big effort on the house - cleaning it up and selling things we don't need, putting things away and acting on things that needed attention... and it's so much calmer.
To be honest, I'm a hoarder and it's harder for me to get rid of my things but I'm trying.

We also decided to make a huge effort on eating healthy. No take-outs, no junk food, more water...
and it's been easy to stick to.

Me personally... I want to work on my body.

When I was younger I used to have amazing biceps. Now I look at myself and think, what the hell did you do? What's wrong with you?

That doesn't help, just like thinking back and wishing I was as fat as I was when I was 18, stick thin and just thought I was fat. I'm not morbidly obese, but I could stand to lose a few kilos. I want to be able to wear crop tops again even though they're probably not in fashion anymore, just to say look at my friggin' stomach, I don't care if you don't like it, I do!

Dreamtime - the Birdocalypse and Dawn of the Undead Comic Stores

When you dream - it's an interesting mix of outside stimuli, worries, fears, wants, something you've been thinking of for a while... then there are some dreams which are just freakin' mental.

The other day I had a dream that didn't stick with me apart from the main incident - where my work colleagues and I are on a trek through a jungle... and for some reason we're doing the crocodile walk but using a (very reliable) vine to navigate some mild rapids (on foot, because we apparently don't shiv about anything like leeches, snakes, crocodiles, the perfectly good manicured jungle grass right next to us.... you name it!)

One of our co-workers had to take a break so we're all like, sure, we can hang out for a bit we're all getting quite tired too and then things took a harsh turn when the department supervisor said no. if she can't hack it, she's gone. We have to keep moving.

This dream happened immediately after this manager got into a passive aggressive argy bargy with one of my friends about their stupid rules about personal property, the lack of recycling bins and how other areas flaunt their own personal property rule breaking.

I don't think that manager likes me much either.

Dreamtime: The Infiltration

This week I have been completely sleep deprived and yesterday was the worst of it, I could barely stay awake. I expected smooth, dream less sleep last night but did I get it? Nay. Nay I did not.
What I got, was a nightmare of sorts.

It was a variation of a dream I think I've had before, or only think I think I've had before... you know how dreams work. Otherwise, it's a fairly common sci-fi/horror movie staple so it could have come from there.

I was at 'school' (in reality, my workplace) and firstly someone there was trying to find a way to post rude things/porn/illegal downloads etc on their work/school computer without being noticed. I saw them, but didn't say anything as they were an otherwise good person. These people are from all walks of my life but dream me knows them as 'work friends.' I see my other (actual) work friends coming back from a costume party, one's an extremely casual pirate. Oh, the irony!

Next, we're all shepherded into what seems to be an aerodrome sort of thing. It is.. at the same time, very big, and not very vast at all. I'm at the back of the room behind a pillow fort of sorts. There are other ones strategically located around the room, there is a small door behind us and a large, airplane size door. Also present is a computer terminal, some saddlebags and a small window where army/airforce/suspicious guys watch us.

A few of us are talking and don't really seem to be worried about any imminent doom. There are so many people here that I know but I don't. I read somewhere that your brain remembers every face you meet just so it can screw you up like this because you technically *do* know these people... but you likely haven't met, ever.

Next, the monster is released, and we need to work together to contain it. The 'memory' I have of the original monster was some gross, non-slimy worm thing with legs that basically just mowed us down like a creepy steamroller but this time it was a stealth infiltration.

Requiem for a Dream Heist

So last night I had another crazy dream.

It was kind of like a heist movie but with some family drama thrown in.

Like, it was me and this middle aged black guy, and this much old white guy. We did all these heists perfectly, with barely a word spoken between us.
Things kind of got weird though, as they are wont to do in my dreams.

Basically my sister in law came to visit with her kids because they hadn't seen us in a while. This is fine, but they came without any notice (unless you count a brief SMS half an hour prior to shifting four kids, yourself and a partner interstate.) That's mental!

Anyway, the next weird thing was an attempt to stop a heist, which involved a man-generated earthquake. No one died, but it made a huge rift right where our Japanese themed hotel was - between that and the MacDonald's across the street.

So as we're running away... we have to jump over trenches filled with Macca's fries.

I run past a detective who luckily doesn't see me. The black guy ducks into a nearby barber shop and sits in the first available seat posing as a customer, despite being bald and clean faced. I run out the back and into an antechamber of sorts that somehow has entrances to several other stores like a fancy bar and a restaurant and a retail store.

Posing as a waitress, no-one at the restaurant seems to care because they're all in on it.

Which.... now that I think about it, is a really bad business plan for a secret thieving ring.

Later, the other men try to get me to leave the gig as it's too risky, there's a sweet moment where the really old guy seems determined to leave his fingerprints on his calling card to let us get away scot free (even though we were chilling in a bar, and apparently got off scot free anyway) then some jerk at the table besides us says something like we were ripped off about something and the old man Luigi Death-stared him.

So what was this?

Was I hungry for Macca's? Desperate to plan a cool looking heist? Able to juggle random family visits and my job like it's Christmas? I don't know.

We didn't even seem to get any loot. I'm pretty sure we just did the  bad ass walk thing like yeeeahhh.... if we were *actually* gonna steal stuff, this is how we'd do it. 

20 Random Tigers

20 random FACTS about yourself that may surprise people.

It's been a long time since I've done one of these, but a friend posted this on Facebook aaaand..

I could not resist. 

So here we go... answers are a lot of truth

1. Do you make your bed? 

2. What's your favourite number? 

5 - like James from Thomas the Tank Engine!

3. What's your regular job? 

Claims manager

4. If you could, would you go back to school? 

Only to beat up certain people with witty comebacks I've craftily fashioned over the years. 

5. Can you parallel park? 

Ignore the gif, I totally can. 

T Swift vs. The World

I want to comment on something I just read today. It was a Mary Sue article -

Taylor Swift Is a Silence Breaker…When It Comes to Sexual Assault by Princess Weekes | 12:00 pm, Dec 11th 2017

  - about Taylor Swift and how she's a silence breaker on sexual assault and not much else.

So apparently there's some neo Nazi thing going on and quite a lot of them are fans of Taylor?
I mean, I knew something of neo Nazi's but I guess I didn't figure them for Swifties?
Wait, is that racist? Hmm.

Anyway, not being American, this is the first I've heard of it but in this article about how awesome and empowering she was there's a little nagging voice saying yes, but she should really be defeating Nazi's like Captain America/Wonder Woman if she wanted to be taken seriously.

Which to me is one step away from being a wee bit victim blamey. Like yeah Taylor Swift, great job showing that pervert who's boss but let's face it, you aren't calling these Nazi's out are you? Maybe if you'd thrown your shield/tiara at them you wouldn't have been grabbed inappropriately?

Yes - Nazi's are not a good thing. Can we not let her get past this incident first? Maybe after being sexually assaulted and made fun of by the internet as a whole and bullied/further harassed by Kartrashian-Wests maybe she doesn't want to be the poster child for anything else right this second.

Unlike what the OP above thinks, that Taylor should be crusading against the Nazi's and denouncing Trump and juggling fire sticks while balancing on her head and stopping world hunger - I think she should be given a chance to take a friggin' breath.

Now, as someone who has enjoyed T-Swift’s music, but finds everything else ranging from grating to obnoxious, I think the one thing we should all rally behind her for is her court case. That asshole DJ had the raw-ass audacity to sue Swift for lost wages after the artists told his boss that he grabbed her ass. She countersued for $1 and called out that asshole for putting her and her family through this mess of a trial for his own ego. This dingleberry of a human still hasn’t paid Swift the dollar. Her interview with Time is powerful and important: her rage and aggression is perfect. Regardless of how you feel about her, according to RAINN there was a 35% increase on their crisis hotline during and after Swift’s trial. That is important and that alone is reason alone for her to be included in this article, which is about tributing women who spoke out about sexual assault.

However, that does not mean a discussion shouldn’t be had about her lack of political awareness in other areas.

While I understand how important it is to be vocal about important matters and that celebrity voices often have more weight than your average Joe, Taylor Swift is.. a music personality. She's not a politician or an outright activist - we shouldn't be looking to her alone to solve serious political and racial issues.

Adventures in Dreamtime II: The Fever Dreams

So apparently this is mostly going to be a blog about my outlandish, freaky dreams.
I do remember most of my dreams. I know some folk don't, so I consider myself lucky.
Considering what I remember.... twisted, yes, but also lucky.

Dreams are great, they can be like movies but like movies they often suffer from poor characterisation, plot holes and they suck. Or they're nightmares - the worst kind are the ones that aren't full blown nightmares but still kind of dreams, that you can't wake from.

I still like the fact that I can remember most of my dreams. Yes, it makes me feel special, but also I get to wonder what's up with my subconscious that I think up these messed up scenarios.

I've always liked cars. I grew up wanting a magenta Jaguar because I liked cats and my Barbie had some sweet wheels. All my life I have wanted to literally own a monster truck. Yet, I'm happy with my small car. Fuel is (relatively) cheap, parking is a breeze, it's surprisingly roomy and zippier than people like to admit. Also, I don't have to help people move houses or watch my roof when I go into car parks.

That said, my husband recently upped his sedan for a 4wd ute and I love it. It's probably as close as I'll ever get to being a monster truck driver and it's got fun new features that my car (obviously) doesn't have. I don't know if it's because it's so big or so new, or not "really" my car but if we were going somewhere like the city or a shopping centre, I prefer to take my car.

I feel like my car is literally an extension of my body, much like an exquisite weapon of some kind and also part of my soul, like being an Evangelion pilot but with slightly less insane emotional angst and existential crisis's. ....just slightly less.

Adventures in Dreamtime

So I had a weird night last night followed by what appeared to be a delirium induced dream.

I hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, and neither had our friends (due to their young son vehemently refusing bedtime) so the only one of us who was well rested was my husband I think.

Anyway, we had a good night and were able to settle their son at a more reasonable hour and then got on to drinking, chatting and watching Jackass #2.

stage one

The Mr's got pretty blotto but not unmanageable (although after we got home I got tired of waiting for him to come to bed so I turned the light off and was rewarded with a stirring rendition of 'hello darkness my old friend....' with the irony being that we actually lost the sound of silence that night. 

stage two

So I had a lot of things on my mind and drifted uneasily to sleep where I apparently had a pretty intense dream that was pretty convincingly real.

I was working in a call centre where all the calls are recorded, one of my co-workers was in on a murder scheme with me and my manager managed to pick up on that (I don't know how exactly.. in real life she's a bit of a thick headed, vapid idiot)

It all culminated at a strange mint themed mother's day party at my relative's house... which began with about ten of us having a pet race (the pets were pretty stupid too... or they may have been confused) then my co-murderer and I went downstairs (a flight or two) that suddenly became more like ten and several celebrities and co-workers were draped across it along with their crap, entourages and also their pets.

Australia's heatwave increases rate of spiders commuting on public transport

On Feb 10th, a huntsman spider took over several seats - reported to be about six in total - on a busy train in Melbourne, VIC.

This is actually pretty impressive, given that Melbourne is pretty much the stabbing and road rage capital of Australia, plus everything there is so expensive that everyone is generally in an angry mood.

There have been times where I have gone to catch a peak hour commute and there are people fighting over half a chair. Yet here, no one even shoos the spidler away?

I just can't get over how blatantly Australian this headline is!

• FEBRUARY 10 2017 The Age - Craig butt

Nervous commuters decided it was better to stand in the aisle rather than risk the wrath of the spider. 

One commuter, who wished to remain anonymous, bravely took a photo of the scene and sent it to The Age.

The spider is understood to be on the seat by the window in the above photo and therefore cannot be seen, but the photographer did not want to venture any closer. 

Return of Kings? Return of Douche-bags!

I saw this pop up in my news feed and yeah, I didn't realise it was real. It had to be a hoax, right? No one, not even the most crazed male rights activist could be stupid enough to join these things.. right?

Well, apparently they are. It might have been the cool Lord of the Rings style ultra manly name. Maybe they're right, and our world is just too PC now and these poor guys are suffering!
Or... they could just be dick wads.

That's probably the most accurate. So there's a hate group from America that just wants 'men to be masculine and women to be feminine' - but because they want to legalise rape performed in a private setting - like one's house for example - they're just really wanting to get the right to act like stereotypes themselves - super entitled white dick heads who act like the worst movie villains from cavemen times. Really? You're all kings? How's that working out for you?

I mean, seriously? Did people look at this guy and V Douche or whatever and think, By Jove! He's on to something! and actually mean it? Saying that this will end America's rape epidemic? Because I'm sure these guys wouldn't be above drugging or kidnapping someone to get them on their own turf and then be all "oh no officer, they came to my house to do this, it's sooo legal!"
How about, we reintroduce harsher sentencing for rapists, and teach from a young age that no one gets to do that to other people. No one, not even King Douch Bag. That would go a long way into helping stop this rape crisis.

What's next for them? Black people are too entitled, let's legalise lynch mobs again! Disability access ramps intrude on my right to walk, let's legalise discrimination against the differently abled! We don't need to pay social security to elderly people, let's legalise euthanasia on private property! I don't believe in religion, no one else should, let's legalise burning down churches/mosques/etc.

Does that sound out of place? Not really because it is what it is - a freaking hate group wanting to commit hate crimes and get 'Daddy Government' to legalise it.
They value beauty and fertility in women only, but it's a group lead by one of the ugliest son of a bitch I ever done seen.

Still, does that mean that the leader will get raped himself if he ventures onto someone else's home turf? Probably not because who the hell knows what kind of sick shit he's got going on up in him. There is simply not enough Glen20 in the world to cleanse him. It would be pretty ironic though - if someone raped him I think his little mind would just deteriorate due to the imbalance of power occurring. Or, if a homosexual did it - they're not allowed at these little parties, you know.

The world's tough, that's for sure - but guys - we have more urgent matters to deal with than your inability to coexist with others without trying to abuse them. Would you still advocate for legalised rape if it impacted someone you care about? I don't think you'd mind either way, and that just shows you irresponsible, ridiculous, jerk brain.

Grow up.

 Oh and, if you do somehow make it to Australia?
Well, it's a pretty dangerous country, and that's just the animals here.

Back Seat Film, Reviewers

So last night my new husband and I went out to a movie. Actually two. We randomly went out, ended up at the Cineplex. The movie we wanted to see wasn't on so we saw another one on account of driving out all that way.

Enjoyed the first movie, naturally was very early for second flick so went in, got a good seat.... 

A bunch of old people sat behind us! Like, right behind us even though the cinema was empty. They seemed nice. They then proceeded to talk in an uncool middle aged fashion through out everything... The adverts, the trailers, the film! 

'My name is Max.' Proclaims a scrubby man in a desert wasteland war zone. 

'Ah, this is Mad Max.' Says one of the old men smugly. Like, no shit, dude. 

Their partners arrive. 

'Oooh, this must be a blokes film!' One of them advises during a trailer for Fast and Furious 7.

'This is definitely a chick's flick!' The other says during Age of Adeline.

'Yeah, it's a new genre.... Chick sci-fi!' Guffaws one of the blokes.

Or, you know it could just be an interesting film about a woman but I was just thinking there weren't enough gender stereotypes flying around here. 

Bullying

I've seen a lot of this image being circulated on Facebook and can I say that it really bugs me that kids have to resort to social media because bullies/parents/teachers/schools/whatever just don't want to listen or step in?

I mean, this is 2014. We really should have evolved beyond bulling, sexism, racism, homophobia... all these hateful things. Then I think, this is the generation that is going to be so technologically integrated that they won't know what to do with a pencil and here they are growing up in a world where trolls seemingly have so much power.

Going back to my days at primary school - I got teased. I'd just moved here from England and admittedly, I had a pretty squeaky voice that was hard to understand with my thick accent. So I learnt to be quiet unless spoken to.

Literally, I can't... Literally you shouldn't!

I thought I'd check the news today and one headline jumped out at me...

"The women just went crazy!"

Of course I clicked on it! Then, the page couldn't be found which only deepened my suspicions. What the hell happened today?! I googled that headline and found a couple of hits.
Turns out it was just Red Foo and a bunch of idiots being Red Foo and a bunch of idiots.

Basically, they'd released a song and were subsequently butt hurt because they felt that they were unjustly attacked by those wicked, wicked feminists, female bloggers, well, basically females in general. Why do these women have so many agendas? Why are they out to hurt poor Red Foo?
Let's have a look..

Sandy Scrush

Today I am going to complain about Candy Crush. It's the game everyone loves to hate!

So what am I so cranky about?

The way it slyly pushes you towards a certain kind of switch hoping you'll overlook a better one?
The way it suggests a booster to help you with a level, only that booster wouldn't help at all?
(Seriously, I've had the chocolate eating teeth suggested to me for a level that had no chocolate.)
The way the app gave me a gold bonus that immediately vanished when I tried to use it?
The way the game glitches like when a candy doesn't fall into a slot leaving it blank and redundant?
The way it's always trying to get you to spend money in order to progress?
The way I get annoying ads every ten seconds for another of their stupid games?
The way the level tells you three times that you didn't win. (three!)
The characters and their stupid issues!

Half of this rage is definitely because I've started playing Doctor Who: Legacy - a brilliant game that rewards fans and has excellent game play. Kind of like how I went from Tetris Attack! on the SNES back to regular Tetris and was like... why can't I move things at will!? Where are my divine powers?!
But seriously, Candy Crush is a money grubbing jerk and I'm surprised that I came back to it after a loooong hiatus.

For the Greater Good

So the other night my partner and I went to bed fairly early for us, which of course meant that I had severely misjudged my fluid intake and subsequently had to get up to use the amenities around 1am.
I know, I know, this isn't the blog you signed up to read but bear with me!

Now, I'm a nice enough person that I tip-toe around the bed to my side, and try to sneak into the bed without waking my partner up. This usually involves some sort of vertical ninja slide into the blankets while balancing carefully on my bedside table. Hey, plenty of people have their own way of life and I'm not judging you! I thought you had my back, man!

I am also a lucky person that has several little rituals before sleepy time like lip balming, eye dropping, moisturiser or hand lotion depending on the weather and making sure my hair ties/hair itself isn't going to murder me in my sleep. I also methodically bury any treasure that I find during my adventures, but I'm sure you don't want to hear those luxurious details.

In other news, Katy Perry does something else stupid...

It's no secret that I have no love for Katy Perry. Her willingness to sue someone because they used their real name (her stage name), the sickening sugar pop that keeps spewing out over the airwaves, her overused expressions and stupid outfits..

Another thing. Her lyrics. She is insanely popular, but her songs could be written by fourth graders. The raps by her guest artists are surprisingly worse. I mean, raps! You expect hardcore content and you get Snoopy the Lion or whatever he is now rambling incoherently about marshmallows or something. Maybe Katy had them or something similar shooting out from her boob-cannons again.

My main complaint today is from her new album Prism. Roar is catchy enough, but I can't get it out of my head that someone was listening to the Rocky soundtrack and got mysteriously inspired.. maybe by Robin Thicke's selective hearing muse? Unconditionally is so boring and lame.. it's like she realised that while she's hit every demographic from stereotypical California girls to vibrating aliens, cheating heterosexual lesbian lovers to temperature challenged folks.. she's never yet hit the wedding demographic.

Dark Horse.... I LOVE THE MUSIC. I CAN'T STAND ANYTHING ELSE.