As for the rest of my week that wasn't consumed with the worshipping of comic character statues and books, well, I've been quite sick. Not actually sick, but damn near incapacitated on two nights with migraines and nausea. The day times held no problems. Just those two nights. Monday, I think I may have just been dehydrated but I'm not sure what happened the next night.

Nothing major though and I'm glad to be back on track. I went to the doctor anyway and had a blood test. I've never been too good with needles, but apparently I'm getting better. They hurt so much more putting something in as opposed to taking something out. This crazy lady was just taking vials and vials of my precious blood and all I could think about was the little sucky noise it was making.

If you've ever read the Vampire Knight manga, there's one scene where Zero asks Yuki if she heard the sound her blood made as he sucked it out. That's what I was thinking of because when I read that, I wasn't convinced that she would be able to hear it over the noise Zero would make doing it. Now I'm not so sure haha.

So I've got to go in and get my results sometime soon, but I'm still really glad the needle didn't bother me. Of course, when I pulled off the cotton bud and tape I discovered that there was tiny hairs in there that really hurt to be pulled out, but hey - if that's the worst that happens to me I can live with that!

Interesting news - I'm now going to be studying again! It's been about four years since my last actual course so I feel incredibly old and young at the same time. It's going to be a fairly short course, but it started this week and I've already got bloody assignments so they aren't playing around. Still, here's to me: teaching a crazy tiger new tricks.

Everyday I'm feeling better and better. Sometimes I wish I could go back the last two years and re-do them, but I know they're better off where I can't touch or remember them. I look back, or something will remind me of that time - and I can't believe how depressed and destructive I was. To be so alone, scared and afraid to ask for help - it's not a good place to be, funnily enough.

I'm not the kind of girl who can sit around and talk to twenty different friends about my innermost feelings and desires. Maybe if I was, those last two years never would have happened. There's not time to be worrying about that though. I'm not perfect, but I'm the one who has to live with myself and I can do that and be happy again.

I've got my beloved partner and some close friends to support me, and not people who only want to talk to me when I'm happy. That's pretty weird, because it really doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I'm not very demanding and I'm pretty accepting. It's nice being balanced again. I can see from my actions of those times that I was acting very manic depressive, and it does hurt that no-one really seemed to pick up on that either.

That's all in the past now though, and all I can think of now is the future. This course is going to open doors and I've got so much energy and inspiration to throw into my artwork, designs and writings these days that all I can see is sunshine. Of course, I am sitting by the window as I type this, but that doesn't mean I can't be deep too! Haha.

I'm much more confident now and while I still prefer to listen to other people it's getting easier to speak my mind and when I do I'm much clearer and normal sounding. Yes, I know how weird that sounds.
The other day my partner and I were even discussing marriage, babies, houses and all that jazz. It still feels too grown up for me, but then again, I am the girl sitting here doodling and drooling over cartoons.


Never mind.