The other random weekend thing I should mention was a sex party. Yeah, I got excited too, then I was told it was a toy/lingerie sales night. Still, I haven't been able to make the last few parties she's had so I thought I'd pop into this one, not that I was really interested in it.
I dragged some friends along for moral support and safety in numbers. There was a time when I had a use for these kinds of things but since I'm back with my partner there really isn't any need for them at all. So I figured, why not make it a girls night, and boost the party numbers for my friend? I mean, the last party of hers I went to was her baby shower, and I only knew a few people there apart from the hostess.
Back then, I had a bit of that awkward moment where you see a fugly evil old co-worker for the first time in years, and she's had a pretty cute looking baby (albeit with a stupid, stupid vanity name) somehow, then the hostess wanders off leaving us alone and it's incredibly hard not to ask how she drugged that male model to sleep with her.
Okay, it's mean, but this... creature was THE urban legend of our time. She was the one that scratched at your door, howled at the moon, sent you chain letters, didn't bathe, didn't work, wasn't nice to look at... I don't know what she actually did at the company besides chain-smoke and be a rude, useless lump.
So anyway, here we are sitting awkwardly around a table full of dildos making our hello's. I discover that my friend Penguin - while no newbie - is still a little apprehensive around these things and the hostess (despite having a baby) is a complete virgin of it. Actually, I discovered a whole lot more about many women's sex lives than I could ever want to know but moving on. I'm going to be a little bit cheeky.
There's the obvious puns and laughing at innocence lost, and then I started to get really bored so when they started passing the toys and underwear around I would hold them right next to the person I was supposed to pass it on to's ear, or start poking them with it while it was on. There was the draping of underwear on the heads and the throwing of various rude novelties.
Basically I was the naughty school kid in this mess of adults. Mentally, not just age wise. I was keeping an eye out for any nice massage lotion but as always, the range was limited, expensive and full of peanuts. I mean, I *like* looking through bookstores and things, but you can see why these things are starting to die off thanks to eBay - shit gets expensive and hard to find.
Really, anything on display that night, even if I really wanted it I wouldn't buy it because you just know you can get it much cheaper somewhere else, and it won't line a middle person's pocket. Sure, they're just trying to make a living too but I'm not paying for you to earn a second income after your real job while you probably claim an allowance because you're studying and you're about to jet set off to the islands sometimes soon.
Yeah, it was hard to pick out through that thuck Newh Zeuhland aksent but I heard it all. In the end, I got to drink, have a laugh and I also won the blindfolded drawing challenge. Too bad the prize wasn't something good, lol. The only thing I wanted from that night wasn't even part of the set - it was the consultant's personal item. Now, get your minds out of the gutter, I'm talking about her 'flickering LED candle' thing. It was pretty cool.
I actually saw some today and I almost got some, but they weren't as nice and I've got some real candles to use up first. Penguin gave me a present from her recent trip to Sydney - she'd really hyped it up - and it turned out to be the most random movie poster ever - Ben Affleck's 'The Town.' She thought I'd like the insane masks on the poster. Very intriguing.
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