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Friday, 17 June 2011

I think it Was Called, 'The Train That Couldn't Slow Down'

After we had dinner last night we got back and curled up for a movie. I love cuddling, it makes movies like, ten times better. We watched 'Unstoppable' because I hadn't seen it yet. I'm either too hip, or not hip enough to see things at the movies - I can't tell anymore.

Anyway, it wasn't that bad. It certainly delivered a movie about a train, and I did enjoy it. I'm still going to pick the fleas out of it though. The box art was suffering from a bout of 'this didn't happen in the film but it looks pretty cool' like a lot of DVDs out there.



One memorable one I can point out is a Jackie Chan film. I watched the movie, enjoyed it, and then glanced at the box and laughed. Then again it IS Jackie Chan. Maybe the film had nothing to do with Jackie supporting a monster truck with just his pinkie finger while launching a powerful kick at an enemy, but it's JACKIE CHAN. Of course he can do that!!!

I mean, maybe that scene just landed on the cutting room floor. It's possible. The Unstoppable DVD doesn't have that fault. Everything in the art happened... just not the way it looks on the box. Yes, the Star Trek dude injured himself and had a near fall from the train.. but not while the train hit a car at the same time. Double Dong Denzel did indeed jump train carriages... but not in the direction he's going on the box, and certainly not while Star Trek dude is manhandling trains and cars while an explosion rocks the air behind him.

But that's okay. It looks awesome. The back of the box kind of ruins it though. The rogue train is shooting under a bridge, followed by a helicopter... with yet another explosion!! The problem? That.. didn't really happen. Also, if you look closely at the bridge, you see a little car with a little man just casually standing there while chaos lashes out with it's destruction whip all around him.

No way is someone *that* nonchalant. Well, hell, let's make that guy the freakin' star of the movie, look how bad ass he is!! As for the other stars.. Double Dong is great and all you expect of him. Star Trek dude is annoying. Well, okay, his character is. Which is fair enough, he's having some personal issues, he's just started a new job and everyone hates him because he's the fresh blood to steal their jobs away. That doesn't really excuse his constant phone calls while on the job and being snarly when he messes up the job. That and his constant 'whatever' catchphrase. I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were a freakin' teenage stereotype!

So after the incompetent bums ignore the broken air brake danger, jump out of the cabin to change the switch and set off the killer train - um, the rest of the train yard just laugh at Dewey. What? No attempt to help? It makes you think, okay, this must be a semi-regular occurrence. A little worrying.
After a few adverts for Hooters and Fox news though, the whole world is aware of the imminent danger to the state of Pennsylvania.

Naturally, when told about a speeding death train full of explosives and possibly Satan himself - the entire town turns up and the side of the tracks to watch. Evacuation? What evacuation? Hey parents, bring your kids!! The two stars are pretty cool, their plan works well and the train of pain only kills one person and concusses another. Although the fatality was apparently the Transformer's dad's fault.

The bit I hated about this movie was the helicopters. The army of helicopters that never seemed to run out of fuel or have a problem with nearby trees - hot in pursuit of a TNT express. I can't believe that no one in this film had the balls to tell these rabid news helicopters to back the eff off. Especially when it's pretty much in the way of the aid helicopter. Then in one scene Double Dong and Star Trek are trying to communicate with each other and they have to scream not only over the train, but the freakin' helicopter that's trying to spoon with one of the carriages as well.

That just really bothered me. You can overlook the fact that the news outlets immediately got the names and life story of every rail employee involved - despite the constant reminder that the train company 'haven't commentated' but this? Come on. We're used to 'the whole world stops to watch' scenarios but if I owned that Hooter's I'd be like, get back to work! The daughters of course would get compassionate leave if they wished.

The ending was a bit.. blargh. Oh, he got his job back and retired with full benefits. That guy got his wife back because of a near death situation and not because he worked through his anger therapy and stopped scaring her. The main woman kisses the main guys as a reward. The bad dude got the boot. The lousy bum what started it all got fired. Yay! ....and now he works in fast food.

What? Did they have to add that? Sure, it's usually an entry grade position but still a kick in the teeth to food service employees, students working their way through school, parents needing a second income.. etc. Congratulations! You're on the same level as a dangerous loser! *insert cheap laughs*
On that note, what happened to the other dude who pointed out the air breaky brakes and the last person who serviced/used that train?

Haha.

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